When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
