he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
