At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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