Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
