Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
