Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Randomize
