Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
