Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize