i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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