well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
