I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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