I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
