yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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