remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize