I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
