**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
