I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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