Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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