my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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