If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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