Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
