It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
