this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
