I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
