I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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