mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
