After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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