What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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