Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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