Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
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i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
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My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize