its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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