She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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