My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
