Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to

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(819): View more from Quebec

its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger

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(229): View more from Georgia

so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.

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(646): View more from New York

in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?

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(240): View more from Maryland

I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.

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(253): View more from Washington

waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me

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(309): View more from Illinois

If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes

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(416): View more from Toronto

My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.

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