I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
