You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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