turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
