You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
