Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
