idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
