plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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