Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
