I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
