hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
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there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
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Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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