i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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