the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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