Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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