...so i touched it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
