Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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