The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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