I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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