ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
