How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
