I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
