yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
