Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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