I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This is my gift to your gina
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
