I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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