If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
